Finally!!!! i can access my own blog... today was yet another slow day when i managed to block out most thoughts... like i usually do and preserve my inertia - like 'Daft mode.' feeling very very sleepy and still nervous about next week's editorship... another day where i browse through endless articles written by subjective sometimes partially fiction writers. ok ok some of them really act like a true catalyst to hasten the process of information dissemination... will i ever reach that status... where my mind is just a receptacle for the chemical reactions of the world's events to react with eachother and give birth to intelligent analytical writing? e.e. cummings really got it right with his doing away of the caps lock on i huh... so much harder to do in life and not just on paper...
eliot made a brilliant argument with his 'depersonalisation theory'... it sounds extremely philosophical and poignant to attribute all literature to its ultimate source - Truth...and NOT the person who just put it into words. i think it was limp bizkit that wrote in a song 'rearranged' - 'heavy is the head that wears the crown'... and i agree.. so y tke the tension of putting that crown on in the first place... to me anonymity gives me a sense of liberation... so that people don't place their expectations on me... it feels less like i'll let anbody down that way... if right from the start i just state the obvious... that i'm human and more prone to muddle things up than the average human being... hehe...
maybe its because i feel a person's work is more important than the person her/himself. of course it is always nice to delve into the biodata that goes behind that excellent work... but this getting precedence... hmmm. that's contentious. i'd much rather someone appreciated me for the work i do, rather than the life i lead... but sometimes the problem is in separating the two... some people inspire us BY the lives they lead... hmmm... confusion confusion...
maybe the issue to watch for here is the tainting of a pure spirit by premature recognition... i envy those geniuses who got recognised after they died...i know it's really sad that they were so bankrupt while they lived.... but i think that they were that brilliant BECAUSE they endured that hardship... somehow these critical situations and hard circumstances seem to bring out the best in a person more than any comfort in the world can. and public recognition taints the purity of the experience and thus compromises the quality of the outcome.
'like the poet needs the pain' i guess... or something like that. its similar to my friend bel and my theory that creativity is usually a by-product of boredom.. this explains y so many friends of mine and i do such crazy stuff during study hols... of course the pressure of doing such an expensive journalism course adds too much pressure on my unjournalistically tuned head, so i avoid doing crazy stuff now...:-( but that's ok... it's just temporary in/ sanity!
but getting back to the point... like everyone else... i hope i do something great in my lifetime... but i'm afraid that if someone notices it right away... that might prevent me from doing a good follow up to it.. cos i'll be too busy enjoyingthe fruits of success and getting fat and commercial like oh so many of those brilliant musicians who got happy... and thus lost the tormented soul that speaks throgh their music... ALANIS ... oh ALANIS... ROB THOMAS!!!! oh i hate you... vanthi varava eppa (translation: now vomit is coming.) but then you have those people like kurt cobain who was what i call a famofobic... and we've lost much music in him... but much more for those so called traitors who chose to have happiness and money over real music... music that moves. can't blame them tho.. in an idealistic sense they chose personal stuff over career... but in our shitty plastic world... they actually made a good career move cos ratings go up when your lips are all so glossy... your shirt has that nice deep v-cut, your jeans highlight the contours of your body and your lyrics are so repetitive and superficial, that anybody who wants to just get jiggy with it... loves it... and there you have it... your very own plastic puppet to sing and dance for you...so sad, so sad.. ever so sad...
to return to t.s. eliot - this is the way the world ends,
(repeat thrice in the tune of here we go round teh mulberry bush)
not with a bang but a whimper
scary no? this is the kind of self scrutiny and sense of despair that bangalore university inflicted upon us lit students in r final year.... this and 'heart of darkness'.. wow! what a way to go into the world... cynical, depressed, suspicious and despairing... no no not really... just needed to resoak those good cosmic vibes and i was back on track. i still have hope... that's y i love 'daft punk'...till now, these musicians cud pass u by on the road and u wudn't know it was them...
i feel it's crucial to be a part of the system u write/ sing/ philosophise/ whatever about. once u gain that vantage point with success... how can u mainatin eye - to eye contact.. u've got a bird eye view then. but how in hell does one give up the comforts of life??? isn't it human nature to strive for better thigns... i guess it depends on each one's understanding of what comprises those 'better things'... hmmmm.... i wonder what i strive for...
